its finally over and i'm so relieved. yesterday was by far the most nerve wrecking day ever since the start of the year. when the high fliers were called on stage i really started to cry and it was such a nail biting moment when the results were in my hand i was shaking! but its all over and i'm really thankful for everything and i feel really blessed and i want to live life to the fullest now but I JUST GOT A FLU and i'm sniffing 10 times in a minute and my nose is blocked and i just want to give my head a blow to knock all the silly stuff out of my head so i can be well again and really enjoy life.

today anabel and i got 5kg heavier eating at sakae. we had the buffet as always, since we were pretty much starving. and we kept ordering plates and more plates. i think i ate like, 10 gyozas. i could see out of the corner of my eye one of the staff was staring at us with furrowed brows- she looked quite disgusted at our voracious appetite but that didn't really bother me. i was only concerned about the amount of soya sauce in the saucer. ok that makes me sound like a glutton but it was only because we were sooo hungry and all i had before that was a hot dog bun(with ketchup and bacon bits, a winning combination) and potato wedges( which are extremely unhealthy, very filling and taste positively heavenly). not much, right. anyway, today marks a first in the time i've spent in hwa chong. its the first time we've actually been given official homework! and its a 3weeks 10pages essay about nationalism, which is a topic that began on a very interesting note but one that i'm gradually beginning to lose interest in even though it has my favourite country to study BURMA in it. why i like burma? it all started when i read the book saving fish from drowning(oh the irony) by amy tan and i was intrigued by all the descriptions of burma and everything. so now it has officially become one of my favourite countries to study.

countdown to doomsday: 2 more days!!!

yesterday i was sitting on the bus when i happened to look out of the window and see this extremely amusing car sticker. it was positively hilarious. it read 'i'm not driving fast, i'm just flying low'. i tell you when i get a car, i'll fill it up with this kind of freakishly funny stickers, and make every driver laugh so hard, it'll cause lots of traffic jams around the country. i'll be notorious then!!

oh horrors of horrors. its official the o level results are going to be released in 3 FREAKING DAYS TIME. i can't believe this time in 3DAYS i will know my fate. i can't believe how scared i am. i don't want to live a life of regrets, but i'm starting(okay actually this has been on my mind for the past 2 months already, but whatever) to regret slacking so much during the olevel period. sigh. why must there be olevels! i am so hating all the IP people now whose biggest problem on their minds right now is if they have gotten a B3 for higher chinese, which, for me, is the very LEAST of my worries. anyway, today school was really mundane and monotonous. we spent 3 hours straight in lecture theatre 5, though technically me and davina spent like 15 mins more, cos we were waiting for the rest of the class to come up. today we took height and weight, which made me devastatingly embarrassed. though i felt abit better since there are about 3 or 4 people in class who are both SHORTER and HEAVIER than me poor girls...

i hate the graphic calculator i just bought for 159 dollars which is a ripoff. i will guard it with my life.

today's the earliest i've been home in weeks, but i hardly have the energy to enjoy this day, cause i came home like a walking zombie and slept for a good 1 and a half hours which totally wasted my 'coming home early' time, and now i'm blogging in the hopes that the pile of math homework beside me will somehow disappear and end up completed without as much as me touching it. i can still taste the olives in my mouth, after eating olive rice for lunch with jasleen at this pad thai restaurant at crown centre. i never knew crown centre actually had food. i always thought it was a place filled with nasty tuition centres who charge highly exorbitant fees and have workers that embezzle funds and stuff like that. all in all, i never had a good impression of crown centre. maybe its because you can't really see whats going on inside the shopping centre from the outside due to the tinted windows which makes it, i guess, even more sinister.

finally we've had our first economics lesson, and i can't honestly say i've learnt more than what i already knew yesterday about economics. but i guess it'll get better. after all, our teacher is really animated and interesting to look at, so it cancels out the sheer complexitiy of the subject.

i've never spent so much time on just ONE lit poem in my entire life. in hci, we spent 2 days worth of lit lessons on one siegfried sassoon poem(and still haven't finished analysing it). i think sassoon has an infatuation with war. perhaps he's like singapore's royston tan, who had such a bad experience during his own army days that he's vowed to take his revenge on the army/war using his artistic talents. which is the impression sassoon gives me, anyhow.

today i crashed a knowledge and inquiry lesson and was pretty much stumped by what was going on. all i know is, i have know idea what prompted me to walk inside that classroom. i think i stand out alot too, with my bright blue uniform and everything. anyways, i'm never taking KI, simply because i can never bear to part with my other subjects, save for economics, which i don't really have much clue about even after todays lesson, but hopefully after a few more i'll actually come to love it. right.

these couple of days i've been having a ball cca hopping. and finally lessons have started and its really quite an eye opener to start analysing poems and thinking about history (that isn't exactly history since the people are dead and things are still changing) all of a sudden. Plus, i think i've been permanently scarred with a fear of coaches ever since yesterday's touch rugby training. i really don't want to talk about it anymore, but lets say, the guitar training today was like heaven compared to the hell me and jesslyn suffered yesterday. okay maybe i'm exaggerating just a teeny bit. but thats the beauty of the language. Jules renard said 'writing is the only time you can talk without being interrupted'. i realised that i love to quote jules renard. he makes the wittiest comments!!

its kind of scary that, in exactly one weeks time, i'll know my fate for the next two years. i'm really afraid. never been more afraid in my entire life. i keep getting recurring nightmares of horrible results that i hope will never ever materialise. anyway, let me get my mind off these dreadful thoughts by talking about the lessons that we've been having for the past few days. First of all, i'm sick of people labeling me as elitist. seriously, i'm no more elitist than i've been before, and i wasn't and still am not elitist at all. i was completely stupefied when someone shouted across the staircase 'hey elite' when she was actually referring to me!! this is terrible:( ah well. i guess this is the price that has to be paid for being the only class with its own classroom+ lecture theatre+ staff room + special timetable that seperates you from the mainstream students.

but seriously, humanities has been extremely enjoyable. i'm so glad we're doing hamlet, even though some people from certain catholic schools have already done it the year before. but who cares. i'd always remember the whole 'tobe or not to be' hamlet soliloquy. and hamlet is the most complicated guy ever, next to macbeth, who is simply crazy and stupid. history is also pretty interesting, since we're learning about southeast asia, and i love learning about burma, ever since i read that 'saving fish from drowning' book which had loads of references to burma, and i too, choose to call it that way. we haven't had an economics or gp lesson as of today, but i hope the lesson tomorrow will be really fun. i haven't had a very good impression of economics as yet, since the teacher who gave the talk about econs seemed to imply that econs doesn't really have many prospects, which made me think about why i was even doing econs atall. besides it being a filler subject. to be honest, i would really miss all these lessons if i were to be forced to leave hwachong next week...

two days ago i went back to secondary school, and i have never felt so patriotic in my entire life, besides the times where i see singapore being mentioned at international competitions or summits or anything like those. it was so heartwarming to see all the juniors and ex seniors and eat the canteen food, which i failed to appreciate the last 4 years of my life, but am missing it terribly ever since the move to hci. i will definitely be going back there for thefood, but unfortunately the next time i step into scgs would be a terrifying occasion, that is, the o'lvl result collection day. which i am completely dreading.

its not nice to have your life in tandem. thats the way i've been feeling for the past 2 weeks. despite orientation and all, i still can't shake off the feeling that maybe in 2weeks time (which is when i choose to believe the olevel results will be out, even though some crazy pple say its going to be this coming friday!) i won't even have the chance to step inside hci again. its quite sad really, when i see all the ip/highschool people prancing around school/ so carefree and excited, without having to worry about the number of A1S in their o level cert. i have a recurring nightmare of me receiving my olvl cert and seeing lots of big numbers. but thats not the point. the point is, i havent really enjoyed the past two weeks with all these things bothering me and everything. i think jesslyn feels the same way, so i'm not alone. anyway, now i'll talk about what has happened ever since school started and i swopped my SC badge for an arrow shaped hwa chong one. and the badge is really weird cos it has this stringy thing behind it, which i guess can only work when you actually have a COLLAR, which my sc uniform certainly does not have.

anyway, every single day i feel very outstanding in school. all for the wrong reasons. its because in a sea of white and khaki i totally stand out since i'm in blue. which is not a very good feeling. i completely feel like i donned the wrong uniform and i'm so out of place sometimes. intellectually i also feel out of place. since everyone is, say, foyle young poet award winners and student council presidents and PSL heads and CCA leaders when, i'm just a normal human being. you can't shake off this inferior feeling in hwachong. i guess thats the price you pay when you choose a top jc when you're actually not up to it. all this time we haven't had a single tutorial and i don't think we're even going to have one for the next week. i think anyone from any other jc will faint upon seeing my timetable. i have like, 2-3hour breaks every single day, maybe about 2hours of lessons, and 5 hours of free time and fun. i realised that jc people simply love to go out for lunch/dinner/supper. just two days ago we had a campfire in school which ended around 11, then some pple wanted to go out for supper. when i told them it was 11, some guy remarked 'still so early what'. nothing surprises me anymore.

my senior class has a fascination with the song 'everywhere' by michelle branch for goodness knows what weird reason. thank goodness i like michelle branch (who kind of disappeared into oblivion for the last., lets say, 5 years) otherwise i'd be getting headaches everytime they sing that song.

i think i've been brainwashed by the students council. there are times when hwachong songs just keep running in my head, over and over again. just an hour ago i was saying the 'shan ge' cheer thing to my brother, who was only too happy to sing it with me. he's also the product of a council brainwashing, albeit the high school version.

i miss my og. they were really nice people. i was supposed to go out with them just now but had other stuff on in church sigh. okay enough abt school now i'll talk about cell and everything. i think this year marks and complete change in my lifestyle and everything. its like a watershed year. for school and church too. i now enjoy service more, since i'm sitting with people younger than me and i feel like a lau da. haha. tomorrow is going to be the first time we're having assembly with the high school, i wonder what it'll be like. i think its really cool that the national anthem is played live, and not recorded like in secondary school.. but the bad part of that is that your silence cannot be muffled by the recorded voices, so its very evident that you're not singing. but who cares.

today's the first day of 2008 but i am hardly excited. and i don't really know why. maybe its because i don't have my familiar friends and environment to look forward to like i did last year? anyway i think its going to get quite weird writing 2008 instead of 2007 for the first part of the year. it always gets like this until maybe the 2/3rd month. i was just getting ready the stuff for school tomorrow (sigh) and realised that i've got quite a few things missing. not like my uniform has many parts, but, these things still happen. i wonder if i even fit into it, considering i've really gorged myself this holidays, which explains why i'm still suffering from a mild sore throat.

dreading tomorrow!!! :(((