its not nice to have your life in tandem. thats the way i've been feeling for the past 2 weeks. despite orientation and all, i still can't shake off the feeling that maybe in 2weeks time (which is when i choose to believe the olevel results will be out, even though some crazy pple say its going to be this coming friday!) i won't even have the chance to step inside hci again. its quite sad really, when i see all the ip/highschool people prancing around school/ so carefree and excited, without having to worry about the number of A1S in their o level cert. i have a recurring nightmare of me receiving my olvl cert and seeing lots of big numbers. but thats not the point. the point is, i havent really enjoyed the past two weeks with all these things bothering me and everything. i think jesslyn feels the same way, so i'm not alone. anyway, now i'll talk about what has happened ever since school started and i swopped my SC badge for an arrow shaped hwa chong one. and the badge is really weird cos it has this stringy thing behind it, which i guess can only work when you actually have a COLLAR, which my sc uniform certainly does not have.

anyway, every single day i feel very outstanding in school. all for the wrong reasons. its because in a sea of white and khaki i totally stand out since i'm in blue. which is not a very good feeling. i completely feel like i donned the wrong uniform and i'm so out of place sometimes. intellectually i also feel out of place. since everyone is, say, foyle young poet award winners and student council presidents and PSL heads and CCA leaders when, i'm just a normal human being. you can't shake off this inferior feeling in hwachong. i guess thats the price you pay when you choose a top jc when you're actually not up to it. all this time we haven't had a single tutorial and i don't think we're even going to have one for the next week. i think anyone from any other jc will faint upon seeing my timetable. i have like, 2-3hour breaks every single day, maybe about 2hours of lessons, and 5 hours of free time and fun. i realised that jc people simply love to go out for lunch/dinner/supper. just two days ago we had a campfire in school which ended around 11, then some pple wanted to go out for supper. when i told them it was 11, some guy remarked 'still so early what'. nothing surprises me anymore.

my senior class has a fascination with the song 'everywhere' by michelle branch for goodness knows what weird reason. thank goodness i like michelle branch (who kind of disappeared into oblivion for the last., lets say, 5 years) otherwise i'd be getting headaches everytime they sing that song.

i think i've been brainwashed by the students council. there are times when hwachong songs just keep running in my head, over and over again. just an hour ago i was saying the 'shan ge' cheer thing to my brother, who was only too happy to sing it with me. he's also the product of a council brainwashing, albeit the high school version.

i miss my og. they were really nice people. i was supposed to go out with them just now but had other stuff on in church sigh. okay enough abt school now i'll talk about cell and everything. i think this year marks and complete change in my lifestyle and everything. its like a watershed year. for school and church too. i now enjoy service more, since i'm sitting with people younger than me and i feel like a lau da. haha. tomorrow is going to be the first time we're having assembly with the high school, i wonder what it'll be like. i think its really cool that the national anthem is played live, and not recorded like in secondary school.. but the bad part of that is that your silence cannot be muffled by the recorded voices, so its very evident that you're not singing. but who cares.